The Virtuous Woman

What does it mean to be a virtuous woman? Nancy Terrell explores the biblical heart of meekness through the unique lens of a warhorse—illustrating the beauty of strength under control. We are pleased to share this speech, originally presented at our 1st Annual Women of Faith workshop, titled 'The Virtuous Woman.'"

"The Virtuous Woman"

by: Nancy Terrell

Hi, I’m Nancy. Just two weeks ago, the Lord decided that Carolyn York had finished her work here on earth, so she will not be joining us today. In her stead, and in her honor, I will be presenting my understanding of the Proverbs 31 Virtuous Woman.

1 Peter 3:15-16 says, ^“But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed.”

How do we give a reason for the hope that is in us “with meekness and fear?” First, let me read an article on meekness. It’s called “Meek as a Warhorse.” I can’t remember where I found it, but for those of you who know me, you know there is always a place for horses!

A horse will give you its all and push himself until he is totally spent. We had our very own warhorse--Carolyn York. Carolyn always remembered others and put them first; even when she was totally spent and had nothing left to give, she allowed God to work through her. She gave detailed instructions on how she wanted to send the pile of birthday cards that she had already made.

Now, let’s understand what fear of God is:

For the unbeliever, the fear of God is the fear of the judgment of God and eternal death, which is eternal separation from God (Luke 12:5; Hebrews 10:31). For the believer, the fear of God is . . . reverence for God.  Hebrews 12:28-29 describes this well: “Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. For our God is a consuming fire.”

This reverence and godly fear (awe) are exactly what the fear of God means for Christians... the motivating factor for us to surrender to the Creator of the Universe.                      

Proverbs 1:7 declares, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge . . .” True wisdom comes only from understanding who God is and that He is holy, just, and righteous. Deuteronomy 10:12 and 20-21 record, “And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul. . . You shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him, and to Him you shall hold fast, and take oaths in His name. He is your praise, and He is your God, who has done for you these great and awesome things which your eyes have seen.”

The fear of God is the basis for our walking in His ways, serving Him, and, yes, loving Him. .Believers . . . have no reason to be scared of Him. We have His promise that nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:38-39). . . that He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Fearing God means having a reverence for Him that greatly impacts the way we live . . . respecting Him, obeying Him, submitting to His discipline, and worshiping Him in awe. (https://www.gotquestions.org/fear-God.html).

So, how can we give “a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear?” Let’s talk about it for a few minutes as I describe “The Virtuous Woman” from Proverbs 31.

 The Virtuous Woman:

In Honor of Carolyn York

Being virtuous is really an overall approach to life (in God) that brings a level of excellence to all we do and say. God calls us to pursue it, and Titus 2:11-14 helps us understand what virtue means.

“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works” (https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/topical-studies/what-does-it-mean-to-be-virtuous.html).

“A virtuous woman.” Is there really such a thing? Is this poem too idealistic to help real women? Commentators often claim that Psalm 31 is certainly NOT a literal checklist for women. Instead, they see it as a poem where wisdom is personified as a woman who perfectly achieves the outlined qualities of a godly woman. What is it really? It is a mother counseling her son about finding a virtuous wife.

Can we even come close to finding such a virtuous woman today? Do you know of anyone who fits all of those characteristics? Yes, we do! Our very own Carolyn York; she lives in our hearts as the epitome of the virtuous woman. 

Proverbs 31:1 says, “The words of King Lemuel, the utterance which his mother taught him:” Hmmm.  “His mother taught him.” This sounds a lot like 2 Timothy 1:5, where we find that Timothy was taught by his grandmother, Lois, and his mother, Eunice.  So, then, Proverbs 31:10-31 teaches us about a virtuous woman, not from a man’s point of view, but from a woman’s.

In verses 1-9 of Proverbs 31, King Lemuel receives wisdom from his mother, Jehosh′eba. Jehosh’eba was King Ahaziah’s sister. When Jehu killed Ahaziah, his mother, Ahthaliah, went berserk and killed all of her grandsons so she could be queen. “But, Jehosh’eba . . . stole Joash away from among the king’s sons who were being murdered . . . and hid him with her in the temple for six years while Athaliah reigned over the land” (2 Chron. 22:1-12).

In Proverbs 31:1-9, Jehosh’eba imparts valuable life lessons to King Lemuel. In verses 10-31, his mother follows these life lessons with a description of the type of bride she expects him to secure: a virtuous woman, a woman whose worth is greater than rubies, a woman who is defined by her relationship to her husband, her housework, and the community. This takes me back to Genesis 2:18 and 20.

“So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam, there was not found a helper comparable to him.” Comparable! So many people focus on the “helper.” No! It was a helper comparable to him! Was Adam a wimp? Certainly not! So a comparable helper would need to be a strong and capable counterpart to Adam—a counterpart-- a thing that fits another perfectly, something that completes (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/counterpart).

The Hebrew term ezer kenegdo implies a strong, capable helper or counterpart, not a subordinate, and the "meet" means "fitting" or "suitable," highlighting a balanced partnership. In Psalm 115:9-11, God is noted to be a helper, not a subservient companion. So why would we think the role of “helper” in Genesis 2:18 was a position of subservience? It wasn’t. Both man and woman were made in God’s image, according to Genesis 1:27, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” God gave Adam an appropriate companion; Eve was an ideal partner for him. In Proverbs 31:10-31, there is not a word about authority, but a relationship consisting of “managing partners.”

OK. So, this is what Jehosh’eba told her son, King Lemuel, to look for in a bride:

Proverbs 31:10-31:

.¹⁰ Who can find a virtuous wife?For her worth is far above rubies.¹¹ The heart of her husband safely trusts her;So he will have no lack of gain.

John York trusted Carolyn with his life, literally. He had complete confidence in her ability to run the household, so he could focus on preaching and reaching out to shut-ins, and taking communion to those who couldn’t attend church to receive it.

¹² She does him good and not evilAll the days of her life.

Darlene Bradley told me that Carolyn supported John in all he did, especially when she stood next to him as they greeted their flock and visitors after services. She would make all the meals and make sure he was clothed and well-fed.

¹³ She seeks wool and flax,And willingly works with her hands.

Her granddaughter, Suzanne Godfrey, said Carolyn “crocheted and mended socks and clothes for Granddad.”

¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,She brings her food from afar.

I don’t know just how far Carolyn went to buy food, but I certainly do know how far she took it. According to Darlene Bradley, Carolyn delivered meals from home to church events, funerals, and memorials. I know she provided food to those in mourning, and when she couldn’t, she asked Ginger Casselton and me to look into it. When she wasn’t housing people and visitors of the church, she was visiting the sick. She sent raspberry jam and walnuts, sometimes Asian pears, to the grandkids in California. Even the little ones knew that Carolyn had candy in her purse to pass out to them.

¹⁵ She also rises while it is yet night,And provides food for her household,And a portion for her maidservants.

Carolyn might not have sent food to my grandson, Jacob, but she did send him a check every month to help with his missionary work in Jordan. When Suzanne was about 4 or 5 years old, she would stay and visit with John and Carolyn. Suzanne said, “I would wake up early and go into their room. I would stand next to their bed and say, ‘Grandma, Grandad, it isn’t dark anymore!” Suzanne said, “There was a schedule. They had their meals planned out the majority of the time, unless somebody was sick.”

¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;From her profits she plants a vineyard.

Oh, yes! Her granddaughter, Suzanne, told me Carolyn would “push fish heads in the hole first before she planted her tomatoes.”

¹⁷ She girds herself with strength,And strengthens her arms.

Even up until her last six months or so, Carolyn would not let anyone do anything that she thought she could and should be doing herself. She was strong in body and spirit, and maintained those strengths by being active in her Linus Oaks community and by using her Theracycle regularly.

¹⁸ She perceives that her merchandise is good,And her lamp does not go out by night.¹⁹ She stretches out her hands to the distaff,And her hand holds the spindle.

Carolyn was never idle. Besides preparing for teaching 1^st and 2^nd graders, she made cards for the sick and afflicted, the shut-ins, those of the church who had moved away, and anyone else whom she wanted to keep in touch with through the church. She also made cards for family and the community at Linus Oaks. She was a minister’s wife and church secretary. She walked up those dreadful stairs to teach Bible classes until not so very long ago.

²⁰ She extends her hand to the poor,Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.

Carolyn not only fed others food, but she also fed them with her wisdom, support, and encouragement to be their best selves.

²¹ She is not afraid of snow for her household,For all her household is clothed with scarlet.²² She makes tapestry for herself;Her clothing is fine linen and purple.²³ Her husband is known in the gates,When he sits among the elders of the land.²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,And supplies sashes for the merchants.

Knowing that there would be hard times in life, Carolyn made sure that her family was ready. Carolyn went above and beyond this. She and Darlene Bradley hosted a potluck in her garage on Kline Street every Saturday to feed the volunteers, who were constructing this very building, so they would stay and work.

John and Carolyn were part of this congregation for 50 years, on and off, and part of the 1953 Garden Valley congregation.

²⁵ Strength and honor are her clothing;She shall rejoice in time to come.²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,And on her tongue is the law of kindness.²⁷ She watches over the ways of her household,And does not eat the bread of idleness.

Idle? Carolyn? Wow! You didn’t know her well if you believe that! Besides verses 18 and 19, Carolyn, in her “retirement” years, led a bereavement group and taught exercise classes at Linus Oaks, as well as serving as the secretary for its residents.

²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;Her husband also, and he praises her:

And they do.

²⁹ “Many daughters have done well,But you excel them all.”

Carolyn always saw someone she knew when shopping at Fred Meyer’s, and at Carl’s Jr., well . . . every Saturday at noon, Carolyn met with Evelina Amparo, Darlene Bradley, Rose Johnson, and Laura Jones for lunch. The very first time Katrina Darneille took her daughter, Aria, to Carl’s Jr. after her Jujitsu class, she went immediately to that group of ladies, and she continued to do so until her Jujitsu classes ended. Katrina said they could tell they were “church people”.  Katrina asked if they could come to church, and, after talking to her husband, Joe, and to Aria, they have been coming ever since.

³⁰ Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

Carolyn was beautiful inside and out.

³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands,And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Her family, the students she taught, or anyone she encountered had fruits from her, whether it was the time she gave, the support she gave, or the encouragement she gave. She will ever be remembered by many.

We thank the Lord for working through Carolyn York, who made such a positive impact on everyone around her. She had a heart that overflowed with a Godly love, compassion, understanding, giving, forgiveness, and never-ending work for the Lord. What living proof of the Proverbs 31 Woman!

Thank you, Carolyn, for being such an extraordinary teacher, mentor, leader, and Christian example. We miss you dearly.

So, what is our hope today? To be like Carolyn? No! Well, perhaps. I am thinking of 1 Corinthians 11:1, where Paul says, “Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.” By imitating Carolyn, wouldn’t we be imitating Christ?

So, our hope is actually the same as Carolyn’s was. Our hope is in the Lord. Just as the song says, “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.” And what does that lead to? A home in heaven with the Lord.

“In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you” (John 14:2).

“For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, especially 16-18).

So, remember to follow the guidance of 1 Peter 3:15-16 and . . . “sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed.”

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